Helping Others Grieve

It's a funny thing, grief. Some days it leaves you alone completely and some days it decides to wrap itself around your face like an octopus and you just can't seem to shake it.

I had conversations last week with four different women, all of whom had lost a parent recently. Another family member of mine just recently experienced a loss so unimaginable and painful that it got me thinking about grief and what we can do to show up for those in our lives that are experiencing a loss.   

We all will experience grief sometime or another in our lives. Some people are lucky enough to go through most of their lives without experiencing a traumatic loss. Some of us will experience losses so difficult that we can hardly breathe.

Everyone deals with grief differently. Some want to talk about it, acknowledge it, sit with it for a while and others want to ignore it completely and run. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. Just like there is no right or wrong way to express your sympathy to those who are suffering.

The biggest thing that I learned dealing with my own grief is that it's ok to be sad and mad and throw a tantrum. You don't have to be strong all of the time. It's okay to fall apart every once in a while. That's what friends and family are for...to help you pick up the shattered pieces and survive. What helped me the most was just knowing that I was loved and supported. That there were people in my corner who were there, should I need them or not.

So, what can we do to help?!

Let those you love know that it's okay. It's okay to just be. It's okay if all they did today was wake up. That's where you come in. To stand with them and walk with them. To be a hand holder, or a shoulder. To just be present and share your love. Some people might not want that, they might push you away and it's up to you to be okay with that. The griever has experienced something so hurtful that they don't have time to worry about how you are feeling. But, it is your job as someone who loves them is to just stand steady and be strong for them, when they can't be for themselves.

Be honest and stick to the truth. It hurts. It sucks. It's awful. I'm sorry. I'm here for you. I love you.

I love you.

That's the most important one.

Show up. Say something. Do something, even if you're not exactly sure what to do. Be willing to walk through this with them, no matter how awful it may feel for you...it's worse for them. Be okay with not having all the answers. Listen. Listen some more. Be present. Be a friend. Be love.

Because after all, love is the thing that outlasts it all. Love is the thing that can reach into the darkness and show us the light.  Love  makes the world a better place and if you are able to share your love with someone who needs it...then you have given them the most precious of all gifts.