Happy 2016 y'all!
I have decided today, among many other things, to start a new blog. Blogging is something I toy with off and on and I really enjoy it. However, my last blog focused more on the yoga aspect of my life and as you will see as you read this post, things have changed dramatically for me in the last 24 hours.
Those of you who know me and have been following me on Facebook and my previous blogs will know that I have identified myself as a yogi. I came to yoga after my Mom died to find something that was missing...and I did find it. Yoga changed me and saved me from a very dark time in my life. But as the years have gone on, I lost my passion for it somewhere along the way. I kept pushing through, hoping that if I just found the right studio, the right teacher, the right whatever, that I would fall in love with it all over again and everything would be fine. I continued with it because people thought it was my thing and identified me with it and encouraged me to keep at it. Then when teacher training came up, lots of people told me that it would be good for me, so I signed up. But from the moment I signed up, I knew in my heart that it wasn't what I wanted. I have been denying my true feelings about it and it has been making me miserable.
After a major meltdown this morning and numerous discussions with the people whom I love most, I have made the decision to take a step away from yoga for a while...maybe indefinitely. I have made the decision, after a lot of thought and a lot of tears, to not go forward with my yoga teacher training.
I have always been a people pleaser and often it's to my own detriment. I make decisions and do things based on what I think other people expect or want me to do. Yoga become my thing and began to take on a life of it's own. People identified me with yoga...yoga became my identity. And as I choose to step away from it, if I'm not a yogi, then what am I?
I strive to be good at something...to find my niche. Maybe it comes from my past and fears of not being good enough. I felt like I had to have a "thing" that I was good at to make people think I was somebody. But I am just now realizing that I don't have to have one special thing. I can just be me and that's okay.
My sister sent me a text after I told her and she said to me, "You are an amazing sister, wife, auntie, friend and daughter and you don't need to be a yoga teacher to prove that. You need to be happy with your decisions and I'm super proud of you no matter what you do"
It made me realize that I am good enough and I have to stop treating myself as if I'm not. I don't have to be a yogi to have an identity. I can just be who I am and that's amazing enough.
I can practice yoga, I can not practice yoga. I can do and be whoever I want to be. I think that for now, I have to focus on finding the happiness within myself. Discover my own journey and my own path without feeling like I have to impress anybody or live up to certain standards.
And that's the purpose of this blog...to help myself and others find the happiness within. We all have the ability to be our own best friend, we just need to discover our own awesomeness!
