Imperfectly Beautiful

This is not an easy post for me to write and share because I am SO self conscious but I felt like it was time to face my demons head on.

I suffer from melasma. As much I hate the thought, I am going to share photos of my untouched face.  Not because I want pity but because I want to show you the real, imperfect me. I want others who maybe suffer with any kind of skin condition to know that it's normal and that it's ok to be imperfectly beautiful.

Melasma, or hyperpigmentation, is a skin problem which causes brown or grey patches of discoloration on the face. According the the American Association of Dermatology, women are far more likely to get melasma, with men just be 10% of the cases. It's often quite common for women during pregnancy and is often called the mask of pregnancy, and most times will go away on it's own after birth.  However, for some very unlucky few, like me, it's something that can be very hard to prevent, cover and treat.

The most recommended way to prevent melasma is of course sun protection, as sun exposure makes the spots worse. I slather my face every day in sunscreen (zinc oxide is best) and I wear a wide brimmed hat as often as possible, but for me, since I currently live on the coast, staying out of the sun is near impossible...and truthfully, it's something that's just not realistic for me since I LOVE being outside.

I have spent countless amounts of money on products that are supposed to clear your melasma spots, and makeup that is supposed to cover and hide your melasma. I have spent hours researching melasma online, what vitamins I should be taking, what dietary changes I should make, what products to use and not use, but there is so much information out there, it's virtually impossible to sift through it all and make a realistic plan. And despite all my efforts and money spent, I'm not much better off anyway.

It's a constant battle everyday when I look in the mirror to not be self conscious and upset. I waste an exorbitant of time worrying about how my face looks to others. For the most part, most of the dark patches on my face don't really bother me. However, I have what my sister and I "affectionately" refer to a permastache. It's OK, you can giggle, it is kind of funny. The trouble with my permastache is that I look like I have just that...a permanent mustache! Which, as a woman, is terribly unfortunate.

I am so embarrassed by this and it causes me so much anxiety. I am a bridesmaid in one of my best friends weddings on October the 1st and I'm also singing as she walks down the aisle and all I can think about is how awful I am going to look in the photos and if I will be able to cover it up enough so that it's not noticeable.

I have found a few products that are passable but they don't last long without reapplication and it's so heavy that I feel like I am wearing a mask of makeup. I hate leaving the house without a full face of makeup and it's such a drag. Truthfully, sometimes covering up the spots with makeup actually makes the spots more pronounced.

So as I woke up this morning to get ready for a fun Saturday with my husband (after another night laying in bed worrying about what I can do to fix my face), I looked in the mirror and thought fuck it!

Seriously! I have wasted too much time and energy on focusing on something that, at this point, is a losing battle. I am not my permastache. I am SO much more than that!

It's hard when we live in a world where so much emphasis is put on a woman's appearance. Every TV show, magazine, movie and celebrity wants to tell us what is acceptable and what's not.  We are judged on everything, from our weight, our jobs, our clothing, our hair, to our skin. When will we be enough just the way we are?

I can preach all day long about self love, because in my heart I truly believe it. When I look at my friends, I see their beauty for who they are...they are so much more than what we see on the outside. Applying that to myself is not as easy. I can blame my abusive ex for planting ideas in my head about how I'm not good enough but it's time that I take a good hard look at myself, at who I really am.

I am a wife, a sister, a friend, a daughter, an auntie who loves with her whole heart. I am kind. I would do anything for those I love. I am fiercely loyal. I am creative. I am funny. I love to have fun and explore new things. I am smart. I am a shell seeking, dog obsessed, yoga loving, gypsy mermaid!  

I am not my skin, my face, my hair, or my body.

Like the broken shells I find on the beach, I am imperfectly beautiful. Flaws are not who we are, they are just part of what makes us unique...what makes us human.

I am beautiful, just the way I am.

And that's pretty damn amazing!

Hurricanes and Happiness

What do you do when there's a hurricane and you are stuck inside? Write your blog, of course!

August was a very eventful month. We packed up and headed south to Florida and have spent the last few weeks settling in and getting the house organized.

The house we are renting is fully furnished and decorated which is great and made moving in super easy...that was until I decided that I wanted to change pretty much everything about the place and put my own spin on it :)

So, I completely redecorated the house ( I mean, bedding, towels, wall hangings, knick knacks....everything!)  The owners said we could redecorate but I'm not sure she realized that I would change EVERYTHING! Lol! I hope she doesn't pop over for a visit because I think she will be very shocked. I have all of her stuff hidden away in any nook and cranny I could find...behind the entertainment stand, at the tops of closets where I can't reach anyway, and under every bed in the house. So now we have the house just the way we want it and can start enjoying island life.

Not that we haven't been enjoying it already! Being able to work from home and take little breaks during the day to walk down to the beach cafe for a bite to eat or walk across the street to the beach to swim for half an hour or so has been amazing and exactly what I hoped our life here would entail.

I still can't really believe we live here and I keep waiting for Mike to tell me that I need to pack up and head home to Ohio! I have always dreamed of living by the ocean ever since I was a little girl and to be able to have the dream turn into a reality...I am one lucky girl!

Fast forward to the present and we are dealing with a hurricane.

When Mike said we should look for a raised house I was very argumentative. I thought it would be too difficult for Goldie (since she only has 3 legs) to negotiate the stairs multiple times a day for potty breaks. She has since proved me wrong, like she does every time I underestimate her. We bought her a special carrying harness and for the first few days we had to wear her like a purse and carry her down and back up the stairs every single time she needed to go out. She very quickly started going up the stairs on her own and now will go down the stairs on her own if you set her on the second from the top step. She is amazing! I can't imagine how terrified I would be of stairs if I was missing a leg!

Anyway, Mike was right, as usual and I am SO glad right now that we live in a raised house! Our street is completely underwater and most of our driveway is as well.  We have been fortunate enough that the water hasn't come up to our garage yet, but we have lattice blow out walls for that very reason to let the water go through. Our yard is flooded as well but there is any empty lot across the street that is just high enough that we can wade Goldie across the street to the grassy lot for potty breaks.

Every place we have lived has challenges and sometimes you have to deal with some pretty crazy stuff to be able to fully appreciate and enjoy the good stuff!

We were prepared. We bought water and food, extra dog food for Goldie and had candles and flashlights at the ready. I even went out one day and floated in the street for a bit (before the water got too high and nasty).

Life is all about what you make of it...how you deal with situations that are thrown your way. Not every day is going to be an easy day. It's when you're faced with the hard, scary stuff that you see what you're really made of.  Sometimes you just have to try and find the silver lining in a bad situation. Put on your wellies and wade through the high water, and smile!

Now, I gotta go put on my bathing suit and go dance in the rain....