Disconnect to reconnect

I love Facebook! Everyone who knows me knows that I love to post and that I love to see other people posts. It's a fun way to interact with others and especially since my friends and family are spread out all over the world, it's an easy and fun way to keep in touch with everyone.

The problem is, it's a time suck...especially for me since I work at home. It's accessible all the time, on my laptop, on my phone and on my iPad. It's always there lurking in the background saying "Becky, look at me. Scroll through. Give a thumbs up. Like me!" It can also be full of so much negativity...more than ever for some reason and often times I let it affect me and bring me down.

It's been a stressful week around here, continuing to try and get things in order for our move. Some things are not going the way I want them to and some things have thrown me for a complete loop, like my stupid haircut, but I digress...

I decided to take some time away from Facebook this weekend cold turkey to try and refocus and refresh.  To be honest, I am kind of sad about it. I miss seeing my friends and what they are up to and I miss sharing with y'all as well. But taking this time away, even though it was a short period of time, has taught me a couple of things that I am going to implement going forward.

First, I spend WAY too much time scrolling through and posting on Facebook. I need to make designated times of my day for FB instead of mindlessly checking it. And that's what it is...completely mindless, a force of habit. I don't need to check it. My life will not end if I don't check it. I won't miss any life changing news. It has shown me that I need to be more present in my own life and that Facebook is something fun and entertaining to do when I have a spare minute. Not when I am enjoying a nice leisurely drive with my husband or out to eat with friends. I need to focus on what is actually happening in my life at any given moment and give my whole self to that moment. I don't want to miss out on things because I wasn't really paying attention and I was too busy documenting it for FB. Let's be honest, a lot of us do this. Our noses are buried in our phones way too much. That's just how life is now. We are expected to be accessible to everyone 24-7. Again, don't get me wrong, I love Facebook. I love sharing photos. I like the idea of being able to be connected to friends, family and the community. I just need to find a more balanced way to do it.

Secondly, by keeping my distance this weekend it made me reevaluate what I want to see on FB. I want to read positive stuff, funny stuff, happy stuff. I don't want to read about people correcting others grammar or people forcing their opinions and viewpoints on others. The beauty of Facebook is that you should be able to post what you want because it's your page but you should also be able to hide, unfriend, unfollow people whose viewpoints or negativity you don't want to see without it seeming like the sky is falling! More importantly, it made me rethink WHO I want seeing what I post on my page. The person that I have no idea who they are and have never met but are friends with people I do know? I don't need to feel obligated to accept their friend request. The person that all I have in common with or know about them is that we went to the same high school? Again, I shouldn't feel like I have to welcome you into my world. That may sound to some people like I am being curmudgeonly. I'm really not trying to be, but I want to surround myself and connect with the people I really care about. People who share my same values. People who bring light, laughter and love into my life. If I allow everybody to be my friend then I spend so much time scrolling through the bullshit I don't really care about and I miss the stuff from my friends that I really want to see. Besides, it's my personal life and not everyone is invited to see everything I share. So, I unfriended some people...and it really hurt my heart to do it because I don't like to hurt peoples feelings but if I don't know you, if we have never met, if we are not currently part of one another lives, then I am really really sorry, but you had to go. I don't like unfriending people so much that a good friend of mine recently had a dream where I faked my own death so I could start over with a new FB page instead of unfriending people and hurting their feelings! HA!

Third, I don't need Facebook for validation. My self esteem is crap, it's something I struggle with and work to overcome every single day. But I cannot rely on other people to fix it for me. I have got to learn to love and accept myself for exactly who I am. My heart and who I am on the inside needs to be the focus of my self worth. My husband thinks I am beautiful, that's the only opinion that matters. And again, he thinks I am beautiful because of who I am as a human being, not what I look like. I am my own worst critic and you would think that after 12+ years of working on self love that I wouldn't struggle anymore...but I do, everyday...and I will beat this demon. Key word being I...I will beat this demon though and it won't be because someone liked my photo on Facebook. (Although I do like when people like my photos lol, be honest, we all do!)

So my friends, back to Facebook I go but in a more mindful manner.  I want to read more books, do more yoga, take more walks with my husband, laugh with my sister, and just be present in my daily life. It's fun to see and share in others lives online but it's way more fun to share in each others lives in person!