I have an obsession...and it's not a healthy one. I am obsessed with my weight. Not just like oh I am unhappy with weight, like a full blown I have a mental breakdown if the scale doesn't say what I want it too obsession.
I am 100% all for body positivity! I can preach to my friends and other women all day about loving your body and accepting yourself. And I believe it when I say it to my friends. I see their beauty. But, I do not practice what I preach. I try and I fail on a daily basis.
Yesterday was a tough day for me. I had a complete meltdown over my weight. Here's the kicker....it was over a 3 pound gain that took place over a month long period! 3 lousy little insignificant pounds! Even typing it out sounds so ridiculous!
The scale is my enemy, or at least I have made it my enemy. I base my self worth on what number I see. If it's a good number then I am happy, if it's a "bad" number then I lose my shit. It will throw me into a spiral of depression and despite all of the wonderful things happening in my life, I will focus on that damn number.
I felt better when I woke up this morning but even my Bestie noticed it today when we were together and totally called me out on it. I have to STOP obsessing. I have to stop being mean to myself. I have to start putting into practice what I tell all the other women in my life...to love myself, fully and wholly, not just when a number tells me it's ok to love myself.
Its time to start obsessing about the things I love about myself. Focus on what makes me a good human being, on what I offer to the world. My weight does not dictate who I am. I am not a number on the scale. If I am honest with myself, I am pretty sure that the people that matter in my life do not see a number when they look at me. They see my heart and my spirit shining through.
I am throwing away the scale. I am taking back my power. I am going to start looking at myself through the same eyes I look at the people who matter to me...with eyes of love.
This reminds me that sometimes we don't get the power in life, so we really should grab it where we can. You made me think, too, that we can't control how the world sees us; we can only control how we see the world. So, we should try to see the world as we want to be seen, maybe?
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